Midlife Crisis--for women

found on My Little Sister's Men Jokes (Jokes for Women):

Midlife crisis - For women:

* Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
* Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
* Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
* Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!
* Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"
* Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.
* Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
* You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.
* Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
* Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
* Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are soaking in it.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.