Saturday, December 30, 2006

MOODJUICE - Depression and Low Mood - Self-help Guide

diagram from Moodjuice

These are the thoughts of two people who are depressed:

"I feel so alone, I never see my friends now, I guess they have dropped me. They probably don't like me - who would? There is no point in making any effort. It doesn't pay off ... I just hate myself."

"I feel like crying all the time, I am so tired and can't get interested in anything. In fact I don't even get started with jobs I should be doing, I can't even do basic things that seem so easy to other people ..."

You may have had similar thoughts yourself. Depression is a very common problem and many people feel low or down in the dumps at times. This is often due to life stresses such as bereavement, money or housing problems or difficulties in relationships. For some people the problem becomes much worse and gets in the way of normal life.
How can this guide help me?

It may seem that nothing can be done to help you feel better. But there are things that you can do to make a difference. There is also further help you can get if the depression does not seem to be getting any better.

This guide aims to help you cope with depression and begin to get better. The approach is called cognitive therapy. Cognitive therapy uses methods that have been tried and tested and found to be effective. It involves looking at the way you think about things. We have included pen and paper exercises in the booklet to help you begin to understand and begin to deal with depression practically. You should find it helpful to complete these exercises.

It's a struggle...

Journal of a Midlife Crisis...hope from humour

Go here for excerpts of a book that sounds extremely appealing: Three Feet Under: Journal of a Midlife Crisis, by Christee Gabour Atwood. If I can manage to get this book, as I am determined to do, I will post about it again.

53

Charles Hill at Dustbury.com gives
Top Ten Advantages of Turning Fifty-Three:

10. Not dead yet
9. Age and year of birth ('53) actually match, sort of
8. Nobody says a word if you go to bed at 10 pm
7. Mid-life crisis should be over and done with by now
6. "Distinguished" to "dorky" ratio goes up a couple of percentage points
5. Still likely to get a few bucks from Social Security before it goes completely broke
4. Ability to feign maturity improving all the time
3. Younger women will speak to you, so long as you don't actually try to date them or anything
2. Can shut off cell phone without worrying about missing something
1. Almost to the point where being carded might bring discounts


Very funny! Substitute "men" for "women" in #3, and change #7 to read "Midlife crisis is hopefully near the end", and this list describes my life, too!

Female Midlife Crisis? it's about TIME

Here is the May 10, 2005 DentalPlans.com: review of TIME article on female midlife crisis. I need to locate this TIME article.

Among the growing ranks of female entrepreneurs are many who have sensed a massive MidLife Marketing Opportunity, TIME’s Nancy Gibbs reports in this week’s cover story which examines how women are handling their midlife crises. More and more people see not a midlife crisis but a challenge—even an opportunity, observes Deborah Carr, a sociology professor at Rutgers University. “How are they going to spend the second half of their life? They know they’re going to have lots of healthy years, so I think it’s a period of making choices to live out one’s dreams that got put on the shelf during younger years.” Unlike their mothers and unlike the men in their lives, this cohort of women is creating a new model for what midlife might look like. “To the extent there is any midlife crisis, to women it does not come as an enormous surprise,” says Tace Hedrick, a University of Florida associate professor of women’s studies. “Men wake up at 45 and realize, ‘I’m not 18 anymore.’ But women, their biological clock is ticking. They are constantly reminded that they are aging.” The regular reminders of fertility are replaced by the insistent signals of menopause. Anthropologists say male status is typically tied to money and power, which explains why the standard male midlife crisis is triggered by a career crack-up. Women’s turmoil often reflects events in their personal lives as well as the accumulated stress of years of ladder climbing, multitasking and barrier breaking.
TIME’s cover package includes a story by TIME Science Writer Christine Gorman on menopause, which is in the midst of a makeover. The National Institutes of Health (NIH) plans to issue a scientific consensus statement soon that will urge women and their doctors to stop thinking of menopause—technically, the year after the last menstrual cycle—as some kind of disease. TIME Editor at Large Claudia Wallis contributes a viewpoint essay explaining her own midlife crisis, which she has no time for and thus, hasn’t had one. Life coach Jane Glenn Haas, founder of the nonprofit group WomanSage, offers women six tips of advice based on her experience. She says women should empower themselves to know that they are in charge of their lives, the should do their research before making a big change, talk to an accountant and analyze their financial situation, reward themselves with a makeover to boost esteem, and be selfish putting themselves first. Bruce Handy and Glynis Sweeny contribute a cartoon looking at why men feel they own the midlife crisis. The entire cover package is available on TIME.com.

Midlife Crisis Zone...a warning

The Feminine Zone features a Midlife Crisis Zone that looks promising. The layout looks great, although so far there are only three articles and a forum, where women are encouraged to go to share their experiences. Forums don't appeal to me, so I won't go to this one or to the others I find, for that matter. There is also a reference to a forum for men at the Masculine Zone.

One of the three articles on this site is titled "Why Esty Men and Testy Women Will Rule The World", described as:
Many women nowadays are enjoying their 50s & 60s by feeling empowered & successful. Many may have attributed this to women’s lib, but it may be more to do with our hormones. Jed Diamond explains how women can become stronger in midlife whilst men can become more gentle.

The second article, titled "Dealing with the Irritable Male Syndrome by Jed Diamond" has this description:
Jed, an expert on men and their behaviour in relationships with women, coined the phrase ‘Irritable Male Syndrome’. Many men may experience this at some point. Thus the information contained in this article is crucial to the well-being of family relationships. Please read & take note!

The third article, titled "Midlife Crisis" is described this way:
Midlife crisis is rarely discussed, except in a light hearted kind of way. It’s no joke and is the cause of much heartache, angst and misery the world over. Here a Feminine Zone reader talks about her experiences when her husband was overwhelmed by a crisis.

Ut oh. I decided to have a look at one of the articles and met with a "SORRY WE CAN'T GIVE YOU ACCESS TO THIS PAGE" Why? Because I am not registered with them.

Why Register

Quite simply, you will only get access to the really good stuff, if you DO!

*
In-depth articles by world renowned experts
*
Information that is not readily available in the public domain
*
Sexually explicit how-to articles.
*
Fantastic exclusive erotic fiction


No thank you. I get enough erotic-related spam as it is now.

True confessions...or true support for women?

Now here is an interesting site for women trying to cope with midlife crisis in their partners! The site is Midlife Wives Club or, simply, The Midlife Club. Founded by Pat Gaudette, author of How to SURVIVE Your Husband's Midlife Crisis and Midnight Confessions: True Stories of Adultery, this site offers "Midlife Crisis Support for Men and Women", complete with forum and chat. Sounds like true confessions time...

A good description of a midlife crisis...from a male perspective

from an article titled The male mid life crisis is no joke on lifetwo.com, a website devoted to midlife crisis. BTW, this website, which I just found today, pretty much makes my own Midlife Crisis Center blog redundant--a kick in the ego--but what it lacks is me, and my perspective, so I will continue to post here. If I can figure out how to do so I will link to their site.
We have all seen the TV shows about it and laughed at the jokes. We have even seen it. The paunchy guy with little hair and thick glasses sitting behind the wheel of a BMW Z3 coup. The corvette that zips by you being driven by some nerdy looking guy. Or the dock shoes, no socks, white Levis and blazer worn by the 56 year old with a blond on his arm who isn’t his daughter.

How did the mid-life crisis (MLC) become a joke? Was it because it looked funny – all the old guys trying to act like young studs? Or is it deeper. We make jokes and point at other because it is such a painful subject?

Jokes aside, the MLC is a hugely spiritual happening. Maybe the word "crisis" is the problem. It evokes the feeling of an emergency that was unplanned. Like a hurricane that comes out of no where and destroys the town.

So what if it’s a real bona fide stage of development? A real passage in life? What if we all go thru it just like we all go thru the experience of being shocked at looking in the mirror and seeing an old man when we still feel the same as we did at 16? That picture not fitting the experience is a mid life crisis.

The panic that something is wrong makes it a crisis. The idea we are doing something wrong, that life has gone wrong and that we are losing at life all make it a crisis.

Wow! Well said! The author of this gem is a man named Dave Schoof, who refers to the feelings of "something missing" that men have at midlife as "the disquiet". Dave has a website called The Disquiet, which looks interesting.

No joking matter

Well, it's not a mid-life crisis, but here's how things worked out for me. Married 25 years, took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year old blond. Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year old blond, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed....


By Terri from NV, found on ThriftyFun.com
This is supposed to be a joke, but from my female perspective it represents an affront and a blow to my self-esteem. This kind of thinking is what perpetuates the problems with self-image faced by women as they age, causing many of them to resort to plastic surgery to try to look like younger women so that men will still desire them. Damn!

I have a very hard time coping with the knowledge that most men, given the choice between a woman my age and a hot,young blonde, will pass me by in a flash. My own husband, who wants so much to believe that he does not think this way, still occasionally makes unguarded comments that reveal his true thoughts. Not long ago, while watching a movie on television, we were repeatedly exposed to a late-night commercial for telephone "friends"--a commercial showing a seductively dressed and provocatively acting young blonde encouraging the viewer to call. I was annoyed, but kept quiet on the subject, trying to ignore my own feelings of inadequacy. I couldn't help noticing my husband's obvious interest and agitation whenever this particular commercial would come on. He always had to make a remark. What hurt the most was when he said that people would call thinking that they would reach someone like her, when they would really be talking to a fat, middle-aged housewife somewhere. Stung, I asked him what is wrong with a fat, middle-aged housewife--which is exactly what I am!--and he backpedaled furiously, vehemently denying that he said anything derogatory about women like me. Yeah, right. It still hurts. A lot.

Midlife Crisis Comedy Tour


Check out the Midlife Crisis Comedy Tour website:

The Midlife Crisis Comedy Tour was conceived by veteran comedian Buzz Nutley, after he realized that it would be easier to celebrate turning 41 by telling jokes than buying a new Corvette.

After figuring out logistics over many cups of coffee at Starbucks and Panera Bread, he enlisted his (figuratively) old buddies Brad Upton and Jimmy Brogan and new pal Cathy Ladman--all nationally known comics with (literally) pages of major credits. For any statistics geeks who may be reading this, that's, like, 90 years of laughs among four comics.

Sounds like fun. Unfortunately the group has no tours lined up for northern Ontario, where we could really use some comedy!

Mid-life Crisis...mostly ego?

From My So-Called Mid-Life Crisis by Emuna Braverman:

When it hits a man in southern California, he buys a Corvette and moves to a condo at the beach. When it hits a woman, she leaves her family (at least partially) to take creative writing classes at UCLA or to produce artistic masterpieces at a newly renovated loft downtown. But what happens when it hits a happily married woman with no creative aspirations? How does she cope with mid-life crisis?

No matter how much you thought it was only for "others," no matter how much you thumbed your nose at them, it could hit you too. Sometime in your 40s (more or less) you may wake up and say, "Who am I?" and "Where am I going?" You may experience mild depression, an emptiness inside. You want to run away - but where?

The questions flash before you: "Did I accomplish what I set out to do when I was 25? Am I glad about that? If not, why not? Do I have inspiring yet realistic goals to get me through the next 40 years (please God)? Should I just take Prozac?"

Underlying it all is the ultimate issue, the issue no one wants to confront - death. Your own mortality stares you in the face. Gone is the feeling of invincibility of younger years. It seems that every week a friend of mine loses a parent. It seems that every week I hear more news of disease and accident - and death. The world closes in and terror awakens.

I'm not suggesting we shouldn't introspect. I'm not suggesting we shouldn't find meaningful work. I'm suggesting that there's a perverse pleasure in the agony of mid-life crisis, in wallowing in the angst. And I'm suggesting it's mostly ego.

I think when you begin to act, when you reach out and care, you find the solutions better, you feel more energized. Otherwise you spin around and around on tip of your ego. And it's dizzying and confusing and you tend to make choices that take you out of reality. (I was tempted for awhile to just throw in the towel and hole up in a hotel for a few days with some good movies!)


Be sure to go to the source for the entire article.

The author's large family, its dependence on her, and religous views are helping her through her mid-life crisis, which is mild enough that she can call it "so-called". Not everyone is so fortunate. Whether it is mostly ego or not, the crisis is real and dangerous for the mental health of the sufferer and the people who love them.

Midlife Crisis--for women

found on My Little Sister's Men Jokes (Jokes for Women):

Midlife crisis - For women:

* Midlife is when the growth of the hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
* Midlife women no longer have upper arms; we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts; we are flying squirrels in drag.
* Midlife has hit when you stand naked in front of the mirror and can see your rear end without turning around.
* Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!
* Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things will too!"
* Midlife is when you realize that, if you were a dog, you would need a control top flea collar.
* Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.
* You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and know it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.
* Midlife brings the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.
* Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"
* Midlife is when your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

The good news about midlife is the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are soaking in it.

Submitted by Mike, Broomfield, Co.

Friday, January 27, 2006

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

How to save the world, starting with yourself...

Just yesterday, in his blog How To Save The World, Dave Pollard imparted some words of wisdom regarding "what to do when you're stuck". Dave's personal goal, and the advice he gives others, is to learn to do something interesting and useful every day in order to feel less helpless and more self-confident, more capable.

During my midlife crisis I've had so many lifestyle changes that I've been feeling quite overwhelmed. Stuck. Frustrated. Yesterday Dave Pollard did me a huge favor when he tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that I don't have to feel helpless or static.

For the last few months I've been regrouping, trying to focus on what is really important to me so that I can once again do something to try to make the world a better place for all sentient life. To that end I am learning--how to blog, how to do some very very very basic HTML programming, and how to better use the internet to accomplish what I set out to do. From this point on I hope to remember to ask myself daily "What can I learn today that will be interesting and of use to me or other living creatures?" and then learn it. Focus.

Thank you, Dave!

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Advice from Over the Hill (sigh)

Great article from Over the Hill! This one helped me a little.

Here’s a sample:

     “Men and women usually experience the crisis in their late forties to late fifties. It is a natural process (first identified by psychologist, Carl Jung) and it is a normal part of ‘maturing.’ It’s almost like the journey of a fine wine that can only reach its summit after years of fermenting in an oaken barrel. Most men don’t like to talk about their crisis, unlike women who are generally forced to deal with the issue of menopause because of definite physical symptoms. A wide range of feelings among men typically includes increased irritability, boredom, anxiety, depression, insomnia, memory lapses and mood swings.”

There’s reference to a book I plan to look for soon (if I can get past the procrastination), called Listening to Midlife, by Mark Gerzon.

Midlife Quote for Today

Midlife is the old age of youth and the youth of old age. Proverb

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Ugly feelings on feeling ugly

it's horrible to feel ugly

How to Come to Terms With Feeling Ugly
Are you tired of looking in the mirror and getting depressed, of avoiding your own reflection, feeling awkward in social situations? Well don't despair - most of the time, ugliness is just an attitude we put on. But even when it's a real physical deformity or lack, it can always be overcome.

Their advice,in a nutshell:
No matter how silly you feel at first, remember the steps: smile, be open to thinking of yourself as attractive, treat yourself as courteously as a stranger you would like to help, and groom yourself well. No matter how long it takes for your thinking to change, don't ever give up. True progress only comes gradually, it's only the fast-food mentality which says we have to have everything overnight.

not the kind of OWL I want to be around, but it bears consideration...


"the face of aging is a woman's face", says OWL. Groan...

So Start Talking to Yourself...

Now here's a semi-palatable piece that may help a bit with depression, especially for those of us who talk to ourselves anyway:

Improving your Thinking and Mood--"Create your own reality."
How you think is important.

Let’s focus on the role of thinking in depression. No matter what the other causes of depression may contribute, thinking always plays some role and can always make matters worse.

* If you are depressed because of a biochemical imbalance you will still be thinking about your life experiences.
* If you have too much stress you will certainly think about the stressful events.
* If you learned to be depressed then your usual pattern of thinking will maintain it.

Thinking is always occurring, and therefore plays a fundamental role in creating not only depression ,but all of our other emotions as well.

Go to the source for a discussion of rational emotive therapy (RET). I recall reading Albert Ellis' Guide to Rational Living back in 1971. I have the book here somewhere...

Quick, hand me that slingshot!

The author of this "perky" article has no understanding of the realities of midlife angst, and should be shot with a ball of her own shit!

She discounts the role of menopause in the female midlife crisis. Yeah, right. Wonder how old this author (first name Jennifer!)is and how she will look back at her foolishness when her hormones flag. Sheesh.

Maya Angelou on aging...

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.
Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting."
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occuring every day...like her breasts.
They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried.
She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said this:
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."
"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

So What Do You Have To Do To Find Happiness? (or should we even expect to be happy?)

Here's a good article to start the quest for relief from some of our midlife angst. So What Do You Have To Do To Find Happiness?

In essence, what the biology lesson tells us is that negative emotions are fundamental to the human condition, and it's no wonder they are difficult to eradicate. At the same time, by a trick of nature, our brains are designed to crave but never really achieve lasting happiness.

Psychologists such as Seligman are convinced you can train yourself to be happier. His teams are developing new positive interventions (treatments) to counteract the brain's nagging insistence on seeking out bad news. The treatments work by boosting positive emotion about the past, by teaching people to savour the present, and by increasing the amount of engagement and meaning in their lives.

The focus of most psychotherapy is on decreasing negative emotion. The aim of Seligman's therapy is to increase positive emotion (positive and negative emotions are not polar opposites and can co-exist: women have more of both than men). From the time of Buddha to the self-improvement industry of today, more than 100 "interventions" have been tried in the attempt to build happiness. Forty of these are being tested in randomised placebo-controlled trials by Seligman and his colleagues.

Does age really matter?

YES! Unfortunately I've noticed a negative correlation between my age and my quality of life. Bitching and moaning won't help, but humour and substantive articles may ease the pain.