Ever Feel Like This?

How to save the world, starting with yourself...

Just yesterday, in his blog How To Save The World, Dave Pollard imparted some words of wisdom regarding "what to do when you're stuck". Dave's personal goal, and the advice he gives others, is to learn to do something interesting and useful every day in order to feel less helpless and more self-confident, more capable.

During my midlife crisis I've had so many lifestyle changes that I've been feeling quite overwhelmed. Stuck. Frustrated. Yesterday Dave Pollard did me a huge favor when he tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me that I don't have to feel helpless or static.

For the last few months I've been regrouping, trying to focus on what is really important to me so that I can once again do something to try to make the world a better place for all sentient life. To that end I am learning--how to blog, how to do some very very very basic HTML programming, and how to better use the internet to accomplish what I set out to do. From this point on I hope to remember to ask myself daily "What can I learn today that will be interesting and of use to me or other living creatures?" and then learn it. Focus.

Thank you, Dave!

Advice from Over the Hill (sigh)

Great article from Over the Hill! This one helped me a little.

Here’s a sample:

     “Men and women usually experience the crisis in their late forties to late fifties. It is a natural process (first identified by psychologist, Carl Jung) and it is a normal part of ‘maturing.’ It’s almost like the journey of a fine wine that can only reach its summit after years of fermenting in an oaken barrel. Most men don’t like to talk about their crisis, unlike women who are generally forced to deal with the issue of menopause because of definite physical symptoms. A wide range of feelings among men typically includes increased irritability, boredom, anxiety, depression, insomnia, memory lapses and mood swings.”

There’s reference to a book I plan to look for soon (if I can get past the procrastination), called Listening to Midlife, by Mark Gerzon.

Midlife Quote for Today

Midlife is the old age of youth and the youth of old age. Proverb

Ugly feelings on feeling ugly

it's horrible to feel ugly

How to Come to Terms With Feeling Ugly

Are you tired of looking in the mirror and getting depressed, of avoiding your own reflection, feeling awkward in social situations? Well don't despair - most of the time, ugliness is just an attitude we put on. But even when it's a real physical deformity or lack, it can always be overcome.

Their advice,in a nutshell:

No matter how silly you feel at first, remember the steps: smile, be open to thinking of yourself as attractive, treat yourself as courteously as a stranger you would like to help, and groom yourself well. No matter how long it takes for your thinking to change, don't ever give up. True progress only comes gradually, it's only the fast-food mentality which says we have to have everything overnight.

not the kind of OWL I want to be around, but it bears consideration...

"the face of aging is a woman's face", says OWL. Groan...

So Start Talking to Yourself...

Now here's a semi-palatable piece that may help a bit with depression, especially for those of us who talk to ourselves anyway:

Improving your Thinking and Mood--"Create your own reality."

How you think is important.

Let’s focus on the role of thinking in depression. No matter what the other causes of depression may contribute, thinking always plays some role and can always make matters worse.

* If you are depressed because of a biochemical imbalance you will still be thinking about your life experiences.
* If you have too much stress you will certainly think about the stressful events.
* If you learned to be depressed then your usual pattern of thinking will maintain it.

Thinking is always occurring, and therefore plays a fundamental role in creating not only depression ,but all of our other emotions as well.

Go to the source for a discussion of rational emotive therapy (RET). I recall reading Albert Ellis' Guide to Rational Living back in 1971. I have the book here somewhere...

Quick, hand me that slingshot!

The author of this "perky" article has no understanding of the realities of midlife angst, and should be shot with a ball of her own shit!

She discounts the role of menopause in the female midlife crisis. Yeah, right. Wonder how old this author (first name Jennifer!)is and how she will look back at her foolishness when her hormones flag. Sheesh.

Maya Angelou on aging...

In April, Maya Angelou was interviewed by Oprah on her 70+ birthday.
Oprah asked her what she thought of growing older.
And, there on television, she said it was "exciting."
Regarding body changes, she said there were many, occuring every day...like her breasts.
They seem to be in a race to see which will reach her waist, first.
The audience laughed so hard they cried.
She is such a simple and honest woman, with so much wisdom in her words!
Maya Angelou said this:
"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today,
life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow."
"I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he/she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights."
"I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents,
you'll miss them when they're gone from your life."
"I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as "making a life."
"I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance."
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw some things back."
"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."
"I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one."
"I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone.
People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back."

"I've learned that I still have a lot to learn."
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

So What Do You Have To Do To Find Happiness? (or should we even expect to be happy?)

Here's a good article to start the quest for relief from some of our midlife angst. So What Do You Have To Do To Find Happiness?

In essence, what the biology lesson tells us is that negative emotions are fundamental to the human condition, and it's no wonder they are difficult to eradicate. At the same time, by a trick of nature, our brains are designed to crave but never really achieve lasting happiness.

Psychologists such as Seligman are convinced you can train yourself to be happier. His teams are developing new positive interventions (treatments) to counteract the brain's nagging insistence on seeking out bad news. The treatments work by boosting positive emotion about the past, by teaching people to savour the present, and by increasing the amount of engagement and meaning in their lives.

The focus of most psychotherapy is on decreasing negative emotion. The aim of Seligman's therapy is to increase positive emotion (positive and negative emotions are not polar opposites and can co-exist: women have more of both than men). From the time of Buddha to the self-improvement industry of today, more than 100 "interventions" have been tried in the attempt to build happiness. Forty of these are being tested in randomised placebo-controlled trials by Seligman and his colleagues.

Does age really matter?

YES! Unfortunately I've noticed a negative correlation between my age and my quality of life. Bitching and moaning won't help, but humour and substantive articles may ease the pain.